Superb news coming out of McDonald’s corporate headquarters in Chicago today. A press-conference revealed a new marketing initiative, that will see every bag of McDonald’s foodstuff now come pre-loaded with a few, crusty fries sitting under the rest of the loosely packaged meal.
We sat down with a McDonald’s corporate employee, who asked to remain anonymous and who will refer to as Rongold McDondald, about what sparked this latest marketing strategy.
“We thought we’d zero-in on what our primary customers, those who are hungover and those who will be hungover, really want out of their fast-food experience,” says Mr. McDondald. “After reviewing extensive market research, it turns out that’s some old fries at the bottom of the bag.”
Glen Magillicuddy, a local area man known for visiting McDonald’s at 3am most weeknights, had this to say. “I had just scarfed down my last nugg and was ready to throw out my garbage when I checked the bag and what do you know? There were more fries in there. That’s wild, man.”
It is yet unknown how this new strategy will compete with KFC’s Colonel Sanders dating simulator, “I Love You, Colonel Sanders”, (I’m not even making this part up, it’s a real thing) but investors are hopeful it may be just what the once oh-so-golden arches need to turn them back from that weird brown colour they’ve turned into.
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